Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2: Pony Island

Jimmy the centaur is back!  And of course as is on par with Jimmy’s world view, things quickly get naked and sexy and some slight tomfoolery is involved.

Mike and Maria have been invited by the notorious(ly sexy) Jimmy to take a break from the bleak Canadian winter and come hang out on Pony Island, the official beach holiday destination for all creatures mythological and some not at all mythological who just like the vibe. There’s sun and fun and glitter and moose. Everything sex swingers from Canada would want for a weekend getaway, and a whole bunch of things you definitely wouldn’t want if you want to have an actual holiday. Things take more turns you can shake a stick at. And there’s of course sex.

Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2: Pony Island is available at Kobo, Apple, Page Foundry, 24 Symbols, Barnes&Noble, Tolino and Amazon Kindle

Dracula And The Night Nurse

So remember when I said I might write stuff that’s a bit all over the charts as far as themes go? Well, this is one of those things. Dracula And The Night Nurse is decidedly on the comedy side of the fence. There’s penises there, not to worry, and bare breastises and everyone’s very much having sex, but be forewarned, these are erotic ‘misadventures’ and falling off the side of the bed while trying to reverse cowgirl doesn’t quite cover how awkward things can get.

We’re introduced to Dracula here, getting his bizarre rashes checked during the midnight hours when instead of his regular doctor he’s been seen to by a buxom nurse. Things quickly spiral out of control, there’s sex and shenanigans. Things don’t turn out quite like all those vampire books led you to believe.

Dracula and The Night Nurse is available at Kobo, Apple, Page Foundry, 24Symbols, Barnes&Noble, Tolino and Amazon Kindle

 

Teaser Tuesday: New Covers

This week’s Teaser Tuesday is a cover reveal instead of an excerpt. Here are the covers for Poking At Their Pregnant Blonde and Tentacles Of Yore:

Teaser Tuesday: Dracula And The Night Nurse

From Dracula And The Night Nurse

She was a round woman, with a large bosom that was taxing the buttons on the front of her uniform to their very extreme and thick legs straining the fabric of her dress. She had remarkably shiny red hair, Dracula noted. It was pinned up and she’d stuck in too many pins around her head to hold down all the flyaway hairs. He counted at least seven. Maybe that wasn’t too many. Just felt excessive to him. But what did he know. He just felt naked. Because he was naked under his gown. Every time the nurse turned her back to lay equipment on the table, his vision was filled with her enormous backside and that made him feel even more naked.

It was juicy. Oh so juicy.

He instinctively covered his crotch with his hands.

“Um, where’s the doctor?” he asked.

The nurse glanced at him over her shoulder.

“We’re a little understaffed tonight so since you didn’t need immediate care and weren’t bleeding to death, it’s just going to be me, I’m afraid.”

“But… but..” Dracula started, then realized that he might be letting his own paranoia get the better of him. This was just a routine check up, after all. You can’t be drinking from every Tom, Dick and Harriet and NOT take care of your regular health checks. People had such weird afflictions these days. He had a quick flashback to that one time he caught the plague. It did eventually get better but damn it, the itching and the boils took months to clear up. With most modern medicines, things took only a few days with his supernatural biology. No more rolling around in the sweaty coffin, spitting blood and scratching your skin off for months of end for him! And come to think of it, he didn’t think it was very courteous to go out to eat and give the plague as well as anemia to some random stranger.

The nurse had finished setting up her equipment and sat down with his patient chart.

“Sooooo… Mr Luca?” she looked up.

Her eyes were stunning, Dracula though and gathered more fabric to cover his crotch.

“Yes. Drake Luca. That is me,” he replied nodding.

“It says here you’ve been experiencing minor headaches and itching… where are you itching exactly?”

Newest erotica: Any Way You Pump A Centaur

Newest release this time is all about the hot man-horse booty. Also a little about threesomes and hump-substitutes.

Maria is a tiny but plump hotel receptionist from London, UK. Mike is a pasty but rugged IT professional from Toronto, Canada. They share a passion for dogging and in general getting it on anywhere at any time with most anyone but especially with big, hairy guys.

Mike has been introducing Maria to the great outdoors of Canada by driving her on camping trips to various national parks. While on one such trip they almost literally run into a centaur. Because that’s the kind of a thing that can happen in Canada. You don’t know. And this is the point when things start to get weird.

Steamy sex and horse balls. That’s the short version. Get yours on Amazon for 99cents or free on Kindle Unlimited.

Teaser Tuesday: Any Way You Pump A Centaur

From Any Way You Pump A Centaur:

We were bouncing left and right on the small road, with Mike’s eyes glued to spotting the road sign when something ran from the bushes and just barely passed in front of the speeding car.

“Jeez!” Mike swerved to the right and the car stopped abruptly on a little shrubbery.

“Babe, are you alright? Are you ok?“ His hands were all over me, checking for bruises and his worry was palpable.

“I’m ok. Really. No worries. What was that?” I pushed myself up from the floor in front of the seat.

“I don’t know. Too damn fast. I just…” Mike was clearly not concentrating on anything but making sure I was alright.

“Babe, I’m alright. Really. See?” I stretched out my legs and wiggled my toes and arms around. “I mean, I might have a paper cut from the map and my sexual confidence definitely took a battering, but I’m not injured.”

“Let me see that paper cut,” Mike grabbed my hands and concentrated on examining them semi seriously and I could feel the tension ease away from his neck and shoulders.

I cupped his face in my hands and gave him a long kiss. His salty lips were soft against mine. Soft and tender and apologetic like I was a petal in his hand and he’d accidentally made a fist and now all his energy went into making sure the petal was still unharmed. I brushed his lips with my tongue and they gave away, yielding in relief. His tongue slipped into my mouth and the familiar energy was crackling between us again.

“Can we?” He looked me in the eyes pleading for a permission to touch me everywhere.

“Uh huh,” I nodded, his head still in my hands.

The dread word “delays”

Ok, there’s just going to be a single delay. Cat ate my script, the Sun fried my files and I’m out of Merlot. Actually, just the files that got a little singed and I’m substituting with coffee. A “delay” in this instance means instead of today, the new story will be out on Thursday what with all the rewriting.

And this is why you both make sufficient copies of your work AND turn the lights on when pouring hot liquids. See? Lessons have been learned. This too has been… a thing… er… that happened. Yes. Very poetic. Full stop. Will stop this writing here.

Newest erotica: The Yakuza Affair

Hey ho, the first release is here! I’m going to be perfectly frank here. And you may call me Frank, though most people would use Sandy, but since we’re all very new here, I’m gonna go with whatever you feel comfortable with. I’m going be perfectly Frank and tell you up front that since this is my first foray into Kindle publishing, my material might be a wee bit all over the place as far as themes go. I feel that’s a fair thing to tell ya. Like, some things will remain constant with each publication cuz everyone writes about the kind of stuff that they can personally get their jollies to in some form, so mine has big, hulking men, strong men, men with long hair and big dicks and sometimes dick-ish character and sometimes they just turn into werewolves or mer-people. That sort of stuff. And I like to write my women smart and fun and ambiguous cuz nothing annoys me more in the smut that I read when everyone’s a frigging long legged Giselle Claudia Lima Moss. Who the f** can identify with that? I sure as heck can’t. So I steer away from making my heroines look like identical spindly fuck-muppets specifically and tend to leave it to the reader to fill in physical identifiers of the female protagonist as much as possible.

“So, Frank, what’s this book all about then?” You may ask.

Well my friend, I’ll tell ya. It’s about this poor little lady who’s been married to this clutz for 7 years and is now in her mid thirties (a time when women start really appreciating their own sexuality, doncha know). And my god is she stuck. Because the clutz is a good guy. Just totally clueless. And she’s just itching to get The Sex. Good Sex. So one day she’s at work and she has to do a presentation to some new clients and wouldn’t you know; one of them is a certified Japanese sex god. Like, honest to goodness the kinda guy you would jump right there if jumping people in the middle of corporate meetings was socially acceptable. And he seems to be into her too. Aaaaaand, he also has a dark secret. That’s what this newest story is about.

It’s a standalone story, but it’s a good 5ooo+ words of getting your freak on and admittedly I did get mine after writing it. It’s available now on Amazon and free on Kindle Unlimited.

Let me know if there are things you’d love to read about or things your particularly liked or disliked about this one. Enjoy your reading!