Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2: Pony Island

Jimmy the centaur is back!  And of course as is on par with Jimmy’s world view, things quickly get ncentaurponytextaked and sexy and some slight tomfoolery is involved.

Mike and Maria have been invited by the notorious(ly sexy) Jimmy to take a break from the bleak Canadian winter and come hang out on Pony Island, the official beach holiday destination for all creatures mythological and some not at all mythological who just like the vibe. There’s sun and fun and glitter and moose. Everything sex swingers from Canada would want for a weekend getaway, and a whole bunch of things you definitely wouldn’t want if you want to have an actual holiday. Things take more turns you can shake a stick at. And there’s of course sex.

Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2: Pony Island is available at Kobo, Apple, Page Foundry, 24 Symbols, Barnes&Noble, Tolino and Amazon Kindle

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Teaser Tuesday: Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2

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“Right, we’re going on a little holiday,” he said. “Jimmy says he knows a perfect place. We’re going.”

“Jimmy?” I started protesting.

Jimmy the centaur could reliably be said to be a bit of a banana skin. Tread carefully with him. The last time we tried organizing a centaur-human swingers party, he failed to mention that centaur poo wasn’t magical and did not disappear on it’s own and while centaurs were half people and only half horses, they still pooped like horses. The lady whose garden we were using wasn’t best pleased for all the extra manure. Not sure how thrilled she’d be to host another party any time in the near future after all the havoc Jimmy’s buddies wreaked in her garden.

“Yes. Jimmy. You need a break,” Mike was staring at me very serious,”and Jimmy messaged me a while back about a beach holiday possibility. We’re taking it.”

“A beach holiday?” I was struggling with processing many different feelings at the same time. My body was so so tired. I could hardly lift a fork and the mere thought of a sunny beach somewhere was like a warm cuddle from Santa; it immediately made my muscles relax and a warm, comfortable feeling rush through me. But it was Jimmy.

“Look, I know Jimmy’s a bit of… an idiot,” Mike said kneeling beside me, “but I’ll be there, babe. You know that. I’ll take care of you.” he held my hands in his big bear-like paws. My little black hands looked so tiny there, cupped safely in his.

“Yeah, yeah, I know you will,” I said smiling up at him. “I’m just not sure how relaxing it’s going to be with that big walnut prancing around.”

“It’ll be good,” Mike grinned. “Just need to pack some food. Jimmy says they only get human-food shipments once a week if there’s humans around, so pack our own in case they haven’t gotten it yet.”

“Wait.. what? ‘Human food’… where the fuck exactly is this place?”

Teaser Tuesday: Even more covers plus another thing

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Yet another boring cover reveal, you say. Well, sort of. Only one cover this time: Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2! Pony Island is definitely not boring. The horse on the right? Admittedly there because I fell in love with the image and it’s now a plot bunny  (horse?) in some drunken horse-shifter shenanigans. Thank you, Nick Page, for the image.

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So what’s the other thing? That, my lovelies, is a publishing schedule. A genuine, bonafide, 100% pure molehair publishing schedule! Which you can find on the front page on the bottom right hand corner. Since I’m frankly shit as clocking things, every new release is set for 5am, which I’m sure you understand, not a realistic time to be rolling things out as any sensible person is still only half way through their sleep cycle. Please ignore it. Don’t ignore the dates. The first two are set for this week: Poking At Their Pregnant Blonde on the 18th and Dracula & The Night Nurse on the 20th. I’m hitting publish the day before and keeping my fingers crossed it wont take Amazon and D2D longer than 24h to push my filthy babies through. Oh yeah, that’s the other thing…. I mean third thing…? Are we counting? Did anyone take notes because I’m on my third bottle of Merlot tonight and that’s about as much tracking as I can manage. AAAAAnyhow.. I’m not going to be exclusive to Amazon for these new titles. So even if you don’t have a Kindle, you’ll be able to explore all my smutty smut to your heart’s content on what ever kind of eBook reader you have. I thought that was a pretty spiffy thing and have been patting myself on the back for it. It’s all coming together so beautifully!

Newest erotica: Any Way You Pump A Centaur

centaurtextNewest release this time is all about the hot man-horse booty. Also a little about threesomes and hump-substitutes.

Maria is a tiny but plump hotel receptionist from London, UK. Mike is a pasty but rugged IT professional from Toronto, Canada. They share a passion for dogging and in general getting it on anywhere at any time with most anyone but especially with big, hairy guys.

Mike has been introducing Maria to the great outdoors of Canada by driving her on camping trips to various national parks. While on one such trip they almost literally run into a centaur. Because that’s the kind of a thing that can happen in Canada. You don’t know. And this is the point when things start to get weird.

Steamy sex and horse balls. That’s the short version. Get yours on Amazon for 99cents or free on Kindle Unlimited.

Teaser Tuesday: Any Way You Pump A Centaur

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From Any Way You Pump A Centaur:

We were bouncing left and right on the small road, with Mike’s eyes glued to spotting the road sign when something ran from the bushes and just barely passed in front of the speeding car.

Jeez!” Mike swerved to the right and the car stopped abruptly on a little shrubbery.

Babe, are you alright? Are you ok?“ His hands were all over me, checking for bruises and his worry was palpable.

I’m ok. Really. No worries. What was that?” I pushed myself up from the floor in front of the seat.

I don’t know. Too damn fast. I just…” Mike was clearly not concentrating on anything but making sure I was alright.

Babe, I’m alright. Really. See?” I stretched out my legs and wiggled my toes and arms around. “I mean, I might have a paper cut from the map and my sexual confidence definitely took a battering, but I’m not injured.”

Let me see that paper cut,” Mike grabbed my hands and concentrated on examining them semi seriously and I could feel the tension ease away from his neck and shoulders.

I cupped his face in my hands and gave him a long kiss. His salty lips were soft against mine. Soft and tender and apologetic like I was a petal in his hand and he’d accidentally made a fist and now all his energy went into making sure the petal was still unharmed. I brushed his lips with my tongue and they gave away, yielding in relief. His tongue slipped into my mouth and the familiar energy was crackling between us again.

Can we?” He looked me in the eyes pleading for a permission to touch me everywhere.

Uh huh,” I nodded, his head still in my hands.