On not living fearlessly

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Tonight’s shot (or possibly two) of vodka reminded me of this myth I see often perpetuated on the Great World Wide Webby; the myth of fearlessness. It’s everywhere. Every eMagazine and mood board and “inspirational quote” on that there Pinterest thingy is tooting about fearlessness. And let me tell ya… it’s all bunk.

Yes. Your Old Aunt Floozy is here to tell you why fearlessness a big ole pile of unattainable bull crap and why trying to be fearless is what’s making you miserable and your life full of fail. So read further only if you want to be happier in your life AND get what’s yours. Because getting the things you want out of life has nothing to do with fearlessness.

So. You still here? Here’s why fearlessness is crock: you need fear. Being fearless would mean somehow magically getting rid of fear, an entire human emotion, a physical reaction that is the base of a lot if not ALL of our actions (don’t quote me on this. I might be a floozy, but I’m not a medical professional). It sounds cool, right? “Fearless”. Like you’ve somehow attained a higher level of existence and now Have No Weaknesses (TM). It’s not cool though. Experiencing fear is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of being alive. Suppressing your emotions to the point where you think you’re not experiencing fear anymore is all kinds of messed up. And it robs you of a very valuable learning tool. And you do want to learn, right? I mean, that’s kind of like a basic thing moving through life. Fire burns, you learn. Water is wet, you learn. Not breathing you pass out, you learn. Besides learning to fear the obvious things so as to stay alive (like, tigers and falling from high places and guns), fear also teaches you to act in other ways. If you don’t move to get food, you will die. If you don’t work, you will not have money nor opportunities. If you don’t teach your kids how to cook and clean for themselves, THEY might die buried under a pile of discarded fast food packages. If you don’t turn in that paper today, you will fail the course. If you don’t talk to your boss now, you will not get the job. Fear is an important catalyst and it’s a natural and inherent reaction in all living things. You physically cannot remove it and striving to remove it you will fail and you will get discouraged and blame yourself and feel like shit…. all because you were trying to get rid of something that’s as much an integral part of you as your circulatory system. Moments of absolutely no fear can be experienced every now and then. Mostly when you’re lying on your back and on vacation.

By this point I can see you raising your hand and going “But Aunt Floozy, when I think about scary stuff I just freeze! Like fuck, zombie tigers are terrifying!”. You are absolutely right, my little monkey butt. There are several different ways people react to fear: sometimes you’re the opossum and fear makes you freeze and look really really dead. You’re probably not though. Stop freaking your parents out with that. It’s not funny. Also don’t poke dead looking opossums with a stick. They’re probably just faking it. Sometimes you’ll be like an ostrich and you run away and hide when you’re afraid… though I’m pretty sure it’s already been proven ostriches don’t really do that. And sometimes you’re like frightened cat in a corner and you lash out and eat someone’s face when you’re scared enough. I’d also suggest you don’t do this. It’s just rude. As you can see, none of these options are good in the long run. How should you deal with fear then, if you’re not allowed to strive for fearlessness?

By being brave. You can’t get rid of fear. You can’t avoid things that scare you. In fact, some of the best things in life will fucking terrify you! Not zombie tigers. I mean like, being in love or starting a new career or some shit. That’s scary AF. You will feel fear. But you can do the thing anyway. Cultivate being brave. Feel the fear. Let it wash over you like a bukake party. Breathe deep and and tell yourself “Well this shit is goddamn scary and it’s making me feel uncomfortable” and you’ll notice your brain might ask you “Dude, my buddy, what’s scary about it?”. Talking to yourself inside your head is actually totally therapeutic and everyone does it so this bit is cool and good. Then you think about the specific things that scare you and best and worst case scenarios. Like if you’re in love with someone and you’re thinking about telling them it might go like this: worst case = you tell them and spontaneously combust on the spot going up like Chinese firework factory. Best case = they totez love you back and immediately splurt out a gallon of roe and you spawn some weird hybrid human-fish race together that takes over the world with the power of your love. At this point your brain’s gonna tell you that both of those things are probably not going to happen and what’s likely to go down is somewhere in the middle. Yeah, you might get really hurt, but unless they pull a gun on you, you’re not going to die even if they don’t love you back. Taking your fear apart like this, being honest to yourself that yeah, you’re scared, somehow through the magic of zen psychology makes the initial sharp edge of the fear pass quicker. It’ll also give you some perspective on how terrified you really should be, let you move on from being paralyzed by fear quicker and get on with Doing the Thing sooner. And the sooner you Do The Thing, the sooner you Get What’s Yours.

Be Brave. Fuck fearlessness. Don’t be an emotionally stunted human wreck. And don’t drink to be brave. Drink after you Do The Thing to celebrate your bravery.

The dread word “delays”

Ok, there’s just going to be a single delay. Cat ate my script, the Sun fried my files and I’m out of Merlot. Actually, just the files that got a little singed and I’m substituting with coffee. A “delay” in this instance means instead of today,tumblr_static_tumblr_static_filename_640 the new story will be out on Thursday what with all the rewriting.

And this is why you both make sufficient copies of your work AND turn the lights on when pouring hot liquids. See? Lessons have been learned. This too has been… a thing… er… that happened. Yes. Very poetic. Full stop. Will stop this writing here.

Story update: centaurs

Goodness gracious. It has been a week. It surely has. You know you’re on to something good when it’s your actual job to rummage through vintage photographs of Ye Old Timey strongmen. What a time to be alive!

Yes, I did indeed need some strongman reference. Not that current onespromopic2 wouldn’t do but I feel that current strongmen and the way our photography depicts them just doesn’t quite have the same pizzas (is that a word… or was it pizazz? Anyway, there are a bunch of zees in there) as the strongmen of Yore did, with their spectacular mustaches and calcetines for days. Impeccable. A girl has to get her inspiration from somewhere, even if the end result will look absolutely nothing like the picture. And since the current picture looks like the one on the right, let’s just hope it doesn’t.

The new story of a man and a woman and a centaur (+something extra) and deep, burning passion at Beaver Falls in Canada will be out at the beginning of next week and by the looks of it, next week will be a busy one, so stay tuned!

Oh and the previous story is still very much live on Kindle (and free on Kindle Unlimited). I’m also putting together a newsletter as soon as this hangover clears enough for me to sit upright.

Newest erotica: The Yakuza Affair

Hey ho, the first releayakuzatextse is here! I’m going to be perfectly frank here. And you may call me Frank, though most people would use Sandy, but since we’re all very new here, I’m gonna go with whatever you feel comfortable with. I’m going be perfectly Frank and tell you up front that since this is my first foray into Kindle publishing, my material might be a wee bit all over the place as far as themes go. I feel that’s a fair thing to tell ya. Like, some things will remain constant with each publication cuz everyone writes about the kind of stuff that they can personally get their jollies to in some form, so mine has big, hulking men, strong men, men with long hair and big dicks and sometimes dick-ish character and sometimes they just turn into werewolves or mer-people. That sort of stuff. And I like to write my women smart and fun and ambiguous cuz nothing annoys me more in the smut that I read when everyone’s a frigging long legged Giselle Claudia Lima Moss. Who the f** can identify with that? I sure as heck can’t. So I steer away from making my heroines look like identical spindly fuck-muppets specifically and tend to leave it to the reader to fill in physical identifiers of the female protagonist as much as possible.

“So, Frank, what’s this book all about then?” You may ask.

Well my friend, I’ll tell ya. It’s about this poor little lady who’s been married to this clutz for 7 years and is now in her mid thirties (a time when women start really appreciating their own sexuality, doncha know). And my god is she stuck. Because the clutz is a good guy. Just totally clueless. And she’s just itching to get The Sex. Good Sex. So one day she’s at work and she has to do a presentation to some new clients and wouldn’t you know; one of them is a certified Japanese sex god. Like, honest to goodness the kinda guy you would jump right there if jumping people in the middle of corporate meetings was socially acceptable. And he seems to be into her too. Aaaaaand, he also has a dark secret. That’s what this newest story is about.

It’s a standalone story, but it’s a good 5ooo+ words of getting your freak on and admittedly I did get mine after writing it. It’s available now on Amazon and free on Kindle Unlimited.

Let me know if there are things you’d love to read about or things your particularly liked or disliked about this one. Enjoy your reading!