Teaser Tuesday + update!

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Teaser Tuesday is again on Wednesday and another cover reveal. Two covers for some dirty, naughty, not entirely serious, ok not-at-all serious dinosaur erotica coming next week. And under the covers, you’ll find the extra update. So it’s almost like Christmas. If instead of presents, Santa let you look at some pictures on his phone and then just patted you on the head.

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People who have been reading my little stories – whom I love dearly and cannot even begin to tell you how much it wets my cold, dead heart that there are people investing their time into my writing – have probably noticed that there hasn’t been much activity or new material coming out. And also that the update schedule is in serious disarray. The private life over here has been such that I’ve been hustling to make basic income and that’s left writing, of any kind, in the ditch. Also have been told by reputable professionals to lay off the legal substances. But that’s another story. Am I too old to say YOLO to that?
Is anyone using YOLO anymore?
Anyhow, the basic income situation seems to be evening out so the schedule and writing will be picking up by the end of the week. Though I’m giving a fair warning that any new shorts might be pushed to next week. BUT, after that, Teaser Tuesdays will be on actual Tuesdays (unless there’s rain) and the publishing schedule will be updated.
God, if it wasn’t the year of the cock, I’d make a joke about how this year has been kind of a dick so far. But I’m not gonna. I’m just saying things are starting to look up. And I got 11 covers done and stacked and 7 more on the table waiting to be finished, so I got material in store for you little monkey nuts. Material up the wazoo!

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Teaser Tuesday: Feral Caress

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So I sat myself at the bar, got a shot of Jameson and settled down listening in on the conversations and looking for new people. Random banter; town hall was getting a new roof, comparing trucks, loads of dead chicken in the area the last few days. An older gentleman sitting next to me, with the most awesome curled mustache I’d ever seen, lamented how the damn foxes or wolves or weasels or whatever pesky creatures they were that kept eating his chicken, were getting into locked hen houses.

“Once they get a taste for it, they’ll figure out a way!” he exclaimed, then sunk in his seat defeated. A good man, he obviously loved his chicken. Though to be fair, chicken IS delicious to most creatures on this Earth. I patted him on the back sympathetically.

“Can you get meaner chicken? Something with bigger teeth that’ll fight back? Like, maybe swans?” I offered. Bucktooth swans.

He grinned mischievously.

“Aye, that is not a bad idea at all, young man!” He clinked my shot glass with his and took a sip. We continued with working out our plan for mean, self-defending chicken. The music streamed in the background an endless flow of Iron And Wine and as I relaxed in the hypnotic hum of the bar I stopped missing Charlie’s company and didn’t even notice he seemed to have completely disappeared until a good hour in. I scanned the crowd for traces of him. No luck. More people. No Charlie. My eyes brushed over something huge and white on the other side of the bar, then back to look at just what the hell I just saw.

Big guy. Not just tall, REALLY tall. I was no bread stick either at 6 feet, but this one was at least 6 foot 11 and wider than an elephant’s rear. Lean muscle all around, all covered in fine, white body-hair. Only his head hair and facial scruff had slightly more tinge, but even those were all white. The head was shaved on both sides with long, white-ish gold mane flowing from the middle. His jaw could crush walnuts just by being in the same room with them. He was downing a pint of beer in one go, the dark stout a monochrome contrasts to his pale lips, and when he struck the empty pint down on the bar and dried his lips across the back of his hand, I swear I could see sharp canine teeth.

It’s the end of the year as we know it, and on to an era of cock

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Now that we’ve firmly landed on the newer side of New Year, it’s probably safe to take a look at the raging garbage fire that was 2016. Why am I so concerned about safety? Well, that would be this cold that I’m nursing for the third week running. It’s started out an innocent sniffle before Christmas and now all I do is sleep and brush my teeth. I’ve had a fair few colds in my time, but I’m almost positive this should’ve been resolved already. So I wanted to wait until I was all clear over the finish line before celebrating surviving 2016.

Aside from the Flu From Hell how was 2016? I mean, really? Much like that song from Jim Carroll; lots of people died. People we knew from TV and movies, people we knew from music, people we didn’t know but who made things we hold dear, and friends and relatives. And there were bombings and shootings and refugee crises and hate crimes and plane crashes and then THAT election. I kanoodled with a man and then stopped when that relationship ended and then decided that my diabetes couldn’t possibly be THAT bad (it is) and threw caution to the wind on my diet for 6 months. I lost a few relatives. As in they died, not that I forgot them on the side of the road somewhere. The Great British Bake Off was sold and a grand tradition of friendly dick jokes was ended. And Mariah Carey got in the spirit of the year and IDGAFed Auld Lang Syne on Times Square, which frankly is the perfect end to the year in public terms. Can’t even be mad at that.

Privately though, behind the flaming turd sandwich that was 2016, there were brilliant things, things that were not reported in the news or just got overshadowed. Lots of people had personal revelation (myself included) and even experienced financial gains. And I’m not talking about politicians here. Chris Hadfield, the astronaut fellow, took to his twitter to remind us of stuff that happened in 2016 that was truly awesome, but didn’t get a lot of mentions… possibly because it wasn’t inflammatory nor could it be used to beat people over the head. The number of homeless US veterans dropped by 20% in 2016 alone, the giant panda is no longer endangered and the number of tigers is steadily increasing. There’s a Canadian developed Ebola vaccine that has a 100% efficacy. Both grizzlies and manatees are also increasing in numbers. World hunger has reached its lowest point in 25 years. Beyonce continued to be her excellent self. Loads of wanted and waited babies were born. BAFTAs announced works that didn’t sufficiently represent diversity, would no longer be eligible. Dr. Hadiyah-Nicole Green developed laser-activated nanoparticles for treating cancer with little to no side effects.

So in the end? I don’t know. I’m WAY too bunged up on flu medication to say one way or the other. It’s taken me 19 hours to write 450 words.
I can say though that I personally took from this a few things: eventually everyone older than us has died, which is why it’s important for everyone to be the idols they were to us, to the people coming after us. Be the Carrie Fishers and be the Bowies and do like George Michael and take care of the little ones. Be bold, be you, shine and be excellent. Because we’re most definitely going to need people being excellent in 2017.
Also, if you have diabetes that you’re controlling through diet, don’t fucking mess with it. I don’t care if Gerry says “Oh live a little!”. Yes, I damn well plan on living for a good while longer which is why I’m not taking part in Gerry’s harebrained beer-pizza-peeps fests! Damn it, Gerry, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Not everyone starts out on the same playing field. Go sit in the corner and shut up, you sad little mudflap.

2017 will be, as of January 28th, the year of the Fire Rooster. For me personally that means a lot of work. Nose to the grind, mostly, then starting studies in a new field in the Fall. I don’t make resolutions. My only resolution is to keep alive and stay alive if for nothing else than out of spite, which is what generally pulls me through the years. I do have To Do list though:

  • Stop taking the phone with me to the bathroom. The risks are too high compared to the payout
  • Get back on my normal diet so I can get my blood sugar under control and not go blind.
  • Get over flu so can stay up for longer than a half an hour and get back to writing
  • Write. Like write tons. My 2016 schedule was completely dive bombed by being sick, so everything basically got moved a few months forward. I got 40-something shorts (2 more centaur stories) planned for 2017 and at least 3 novellas. All before September.
  • No more caffeine. It’s either caffeine or my colon and for now, I choose my colon.
  • Contribute good and positive things to the world… which I know is a little vague, but hey, you never know exactly how you get a chance to contribute. For now it’s surviving flu, then it’s writing. Once we got those two things in a groove, then well see on expanding.

2016 was taxing and emotionally numbing for the general public. That’s probably the most I could sum it up. The hits kept on coming. 2017 we gotta do the work. Work hard for maybe not as much gain as we’d like, but for the long haul. For the well-being of not just ourselves but people we love. And people we don’t love. Fuck it, we just gotta make things good. Even Gerry deserves to have good things, the giant fucking towelette. I’ll be there, contributing my piece of smutty fun for you to rest your weary head on when the world gets too full of raging heads of state with big mouths and small words.

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Teaser Tues-..Thursday: cover reveal!

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Tuesday is going to be Thursday this week. Because it’s Christmas! And a bunch of other holidays! Rejoice ye readers of books and things. It’s the official holiday of staying at home and burying yourself in books. Yes. For a cover reveal we got a cover for a werewolf/wolf shifter whatsit coming up later. Long hair and things that almost look like wolves. But not quite because that would be bestiality. And I made a Santa to wish you happy holidays. Enjoy whatever you’re celebrating!

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Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2: Pony Island

Jimmy the centaur is back!  And of course as is on par with Jimmy’s world view, things quickly get ncentaurponytextaked and sexy and some slight tomfoolery is involved.

Mike and Maria have been invited by the notorious(ly sexy) Jimmy to take a break from the bleak Canadian winter and come hang out on Pony Island, the official beach holiday destination for all creatures mythological and some not at all mythological who just like the vibe. There’s sun and fun and glitter and moose. Everything sex swingers from Canada would want for a weekend getaway, and a whole bunch of things you definitely wouldn’t want if you want to have an actual holiday. Things take more turns you can shake a stick at. And there’s of course sex.

Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2: Pony Island is available at Kobo, Apple, Page Foundry, 24 Symbols, Barnes&Noble, Tolino and Amazon Kindle

Dracula And The Night Nurse

So remember when I said I might write stuff that’s a bit all over the charts as far as themes go? Wdraculanursetextsmallell, this is one of those things. Dracula And The Night Nurse is decidedly on the comedy side of the fence. There’s penises there, not to worry, and bare breastises and everyone’s very much having sex, but be forewarned, these are erotic ‘misadventures’ and falling off the side of the bed while trying to reverse cowgirl doesn’t quite cover how awkward things can get.

We’re introduced to Dracula here, getting his bizarre rashes checked during the midnight hours when instead of his regular doctor he’s been seen to by a buxom nurse. Things quickly spiral out of control, there’s sex and shenanigans. Things don’t turn out quite like all those vampire books led you to believe.

Dracula and The Night Nurse is available at Kobo, Apple, Page Foundry, 24Symbols, Barnes&Noble, Tolino and Amazon Kindle

 

Teaser Tuesday: Any Way You Pump A Centaur 2

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“Right, we’re going on a little holiday,” he said. “Jimmy says he knows a perfect place. We’re going.”

“Jimmy?” I started protesting.

Jimmy the centaur could reliably be said to be a bit of a banana skin. Tread carefully with him. The last time we tried organizing a centaur-human swingers party, he failed to mention that centaur poo wasn’t magical and did not disappear on it’s own and while centaurs were half people and only half horses, they still pooped like horses. The lady whose garden we were using wasn’t best pleased for all the extra manure. Not sure how thrilled she’d be to host another party any time in the near future after all the havoc Jimmy’s buddies wreaked in her garden.

“Yes. Jimmy. You need a break,” Mike was staring at me very serious,”and Jimmy messaged me a while back about a beach holiday possibility. We’re taking it.”

“A beach holiday?” I was struggling with processing many different feelings at the same time. My body was so so tired. I could hardly lift a fork and the mere thought of a sunny beach somewhere was like a warm cuddle from Santa; it immediately made my muscles relax and a warm, comfortable feeling rush through me. But it was Jimmy.

“Look, I know Jimmy’s a bit of… an idiot,” Mike said kneeling beside me, “but I’ll be there, babe. You know that. I’ll take care of you.” he held my hands in his big bear-like paws. My little black hands looked so tiny there, cupped safely in his.

“Yeah, yeah, I know you will,” I said smiling up at him. “I’m just not sure how relaxing it’s going to be with that big walnut prancing around.”

“It’ll be good,” Mike grinned. “Just need to pack some food. Jimmy says they only get human-food shipments once a week if there’s humans around, so pack our own in case they haven’t gotten it yet.”

“Wait.. what? ‘Human food’… where the fuck exactly is this place?”